Episode Transcript (beta)
Dating Someone with Kids
Dating, Find True Love, Relationships, Online Dating, Divorce
Relationships: Dating Someone with Kids
Find True Love: http://hope.StepsToFindTrueLove.com
This episode takes a look at the challenges and the blessings of starting a long-term relationship with someone who has kids. There's a lot to consider! Children can bring challenges to the dating dynamic, but they can also be a true blessing and enriching addition to your life.
Weighing this decision is an important part of the Find True Love Process, and the only right answer is the one that's right for you. Take a listen to explore different perspectives that could help to shape your next relationship, and your life!
RELATIONSHIPS: DATING SOMEONE WITH KIDS
Winona 00:00:11 Welcome back. We're talking about dating someone with kids, so that could be, you know, you're dating somebody and they have either grown kids or small kids blended families. So, Rob, what are your concerns that you have about dating someone with small kids?
Rob 00:00:28 For me, it was that I had already gotten past the small kids stage in my life, and I was not really looking to go back to that. I also recognize that if you're dating someone with a small child, that they will probably have some additional constraints on how flexible they are in developing the relationship. And so I didn't foresee myself trying to, uh, grow in an intimate relationship. And I just mean emotionally intimate talking about the past, talking about how things got to where they are today while having to keep mindful of small ears that will overhear the conversation. And so I thought a small child would be an impediment to the growth that me and my love interest would have.
Winona 00:01:20 Now, can you also have what you’re talking about... the hearing... couldn't that also be with older children too?
Rob 00:01:28 With older children, it's both a more feasible and actually legal to leave them at home alone. Uh, if you have a kid who's six, seven, eight years old, if there's no babysitter, you, you gotta take them on the date with you. But someone who is 14, 15, 16 years old, they should be able to stay at home alone while you're having an intimate conversation over coffee or tea, you should be able to, uh, have some conversations outside of the home, such that you can get into some of the things that really need to be discussed and get to know each other better.
So how about you, how do different parenting styles challenge a relationship when there are kids involved?
Winona 00:02:11 Well, I would say the challenge would be because you might have one view of how you need to, um, you know, you want to discipline the child or something. Then the other person might have a different view about how they want their child discipline. So then you try to date each other and trying to figure out how to make it work with the child.
Rob 00:02:36 I see. I see. And you know, sometimes there can be some, I know we don't want to think this way, but it's true. It exists. There could be some post-traumatic stress going on in the child's previous life with the other parent, if that child-parent relationship was not a strong one, if it was full of, um, some abuse, let's say then there might be some triggers that you don't quite understand that it could deteriorate an otherwise great relationship with those kids. And so sometimes it's difficult to keep those in mind because you don't have the perspective of the trauma that the child previously experienced.
Winona 00:03:19 Understood. So, um, what about the positives? How can kids enrich?
Rob 00:03:26 Well, there's a few things that could enrich the relationship. Uh, whenever there are additional children involved, for example, one child may have always wished for a brother or sister and bringing in a brother and sister with, you know, that comes with the dating relationship that could bring a family dynamic that has been wished for, for a very long time. A great example is your two boys. I mean, they're grown now, but you know, in their adulthood, these two brothers are the best of friends, but they would never have been if they weren't brought together through a blended family situation. Exactly. Another thing is loving the child shows a love for your love interest that surpasses anything that you could do directly for that love interest. If you take an interest in the wellbeing of that child and you show them this, this love that has been missing in their lives, wow, both women and men.
Rob 00:04:31 If you show the love for their child, they will endear you to their heart. Even more, of course, this should not be used as a ploy. You shouldn't go through the child to try and win over the parent's heart. But if you do love that parent, one of the things you do is love all parts of that. Parent love all parts of your love interests, including the children that they bring into the relationship. And then third, and this is really got to be the most amazing thing. If you can fill the void, if a child, if, if a child has been living without a mommy or without a daddy in a single parent home, they don't have that mother figure. They don't have that father figure and you can step up and fill that void for them. Wow. That has got to be one of the most amazing, most enriching parts of a blended family relationship.
Winona 00:05:24 Didn't we discuss this in our online course.
Rob 00:05:26 Well sort of in step two, we do talk about how to paint the portrait of your perfect partner. And, and this podcast episode may have helped you decide whether you do or do not want to date someone with kids. Here's the thing to keep in mind though, every relationship is going to come with surprises, challenges, and blessings disguised as troubles. Children bring different kinds of challenges, but they're not the
Winona 00:05:54 Source of problems. You will not escape challenges
Rob 00:05:58 By avoiding kids. You'll just get different ones and you may really miss out on something special. So before you decide, pray on it, then have faith in the path that your prayers lead you to embrace every challenge and be grateful for every blessing that comes to you for doing what you were called.